Silence

Grief is treacherous….silence makes it worse.  

Something I never wanted to learn!  

I remember 30 years ago when my oldest son lost one of his kindergarten classmates. I couldn’t even hold myself together when I saw his mom, my friend.

I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know know what to do, I didn’t know how to handle such a tragic loss or how to even be in her presence.

So I confessed all of that to her. I apologized for sobbing in front of her because I thought that would make it worse. Instead she told me it helped her. She shared that she wanted me to say his name, to talk about it, and mostly that she never wanted people to forget.

And I never have.  

Little did I know 30 years later I would be wearing these very heavy shoes myself after the loss of my first granddaughter.

This precious little doll, named Violet, was only with us here for 7 days, and then she went to the arms of Jesus.   Enduring that loss along with watching my daughter and son-in-law navigate such devastation has taught me how much other people’s interactions help heal or cause more pain.  

A few weeks after the loss of this beautiful baby girl was Frontier Days here in Cheyenne.

This has always been one of our favorite events of the year with its celebration of the Western lifestyle and fun. We have been renting a booth for years to sell our books and Roslan’s art.

We prayed and talked a lot about whether we should have our booth considering what we had just survived. We both felt strongly we should.

We knew there would be many difficult things but we also trusted that God would provide many blessings. Both were true.   We were told many times how blessed we were to have her for 7 days, and that is true. She changed us all forever.

It also true that, in some ways, it was the worst 7 days of our lives as watched this little miracle slowly slip from our grasp.  

All this to say that easily the most hurtful part of the journey has been the incredibly loud SILENCE from many in our lives.

People we thought cared about us. I am speaking for Roslan now also as we have had endless conversations about this.

Silence is a message all of its own.  

I have been told that the silence is the result of people not knowing what to say.

Actually silence is far more hurtful than any words that might come out wrong.

Silence equals not recognizing a precious child that was so loved and so cherished and taken too soon.

Like she was never here.

But she was here, and she changed hundreds of lives and hearts in that short time.  

If your silence is because you think it is better to not bring up tears or grief, just know they are there anyway, and bringing them out is healing.

So I ask you to step into this hard place with us and anyone else you know that is walking through this valley.

When you see us the greatest gift you can give is telling us you care and that Violet’s life mattered with these simple words… ”I am so sorry for your loss and I care about you.”

Please don’t pretend it never happened, we will be so grateful if you choose to help us heal in this way!  

I pray that I will always be willing to step into a difficult space with others I care about and never believe the lie that silence is best.  

“Share each other’s burdens, for in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”

-Galatians 6:2